she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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