Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
