So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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