I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
