Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Randomize
