she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
