First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dick very happy bro
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
