just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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