Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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