that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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