my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why