My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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