we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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