from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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