Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
