I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
home. puking in laundry basket.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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