Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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