There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
