you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
