i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
