U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
