i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize