did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
