I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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