no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
