Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
