i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can't put those talents on a resume
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
