WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
