Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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