I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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