Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
