i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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