Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
well you can't waste a boner
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
