Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
