i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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