Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
In other news, I just burned my penis
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
