What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
if only i could text you this smell
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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