I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize