if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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