my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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