omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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