his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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