just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
