Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
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can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
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He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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