Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
