bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
