she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Let's paint friendship bongs
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
