I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
