The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
