i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
