i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
