You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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