singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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