I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
well you can't waste a boner
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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