I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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