You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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