my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
