Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
