Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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