He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The struggles of a small town man whore
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
