can we get nightvision for the apartment?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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