can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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