dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
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